Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
