hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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