just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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