Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
