Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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