I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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