how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
