doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
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You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
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I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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