I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
