we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
try to milk me bitch
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