very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
