If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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