I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
