i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
