I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
