Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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