nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
