We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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