How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
