I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
