I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
