My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
