Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
