So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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