just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
