the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
