stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
