I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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