i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
