I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
