what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
They are going to name an STD after you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
