I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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