haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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