I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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