Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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