I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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