Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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