yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
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He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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