someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
