Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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