I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
