did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
