The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
