just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
