I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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