someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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