I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize