did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
