I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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