i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
