Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
sarcasm needs its own font
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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