sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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