I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
