and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
