This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
