i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
