Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
