I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
