Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish they made helmets for livers.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
