is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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