Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
