Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
