You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
