Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
