three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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