My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
