we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
