I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
