Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
