So drunk its hurt
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
