I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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