You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
